Thebastidge: Personality- part II
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    Thursday, August 02, 2007

    Personality- part II

    Modesty - Introduction:

    While taking care of others and taking care of yourself, to what degree do you try to put yourself in the spotlight or keep your caring acts hidden? Are you out to make a name for yourself as "someone who really cares", or are you content with the actions themselves and comfortable if no one recognizes you for your efforts? Is some desire for personal gain hidden in your acts of kindness? Are you or are you not a modest person?

    Modesty: Your Personalized Description

    When you set your mind to it, and especially when your heart's in it, you listen carefully to the person in front of you and pay attention to their needs. With your closest friends or with a partner, what they say, what they want, whatever is on their minds matters to you. Which is where the part about "your mind" and "your heart" comes clear - you tell and show them you care.

    If the person you're listening to isn't real close to you, you may not stay as focused on them. You may, sooner rather than later, turn the conversation to what's on your mind, not theirs. Ah, but if your heart's involved, it's a different matter. When you deeply care for someone, your thoughts will follow your affection toward whatever your friend or partner is saying, and you listen very carefully, very patiently. In these moments, it's not about who is getting to talk the most or whose needs are the focus of the conversation. You wrap your heart around whatever they have to share, and stay there, full of affection and attention.

    The result is that because you listen and care, they will want to listen to and care for you as well. They trust your attention to be genuine; they can tell you're not trying to find fault with them or take advantage of what they tell you for your personal gain: the relational see-saw game of putting them down to elevate your own ego is not one you play. No, it's about them, not you. So they are willing to give back what they receive, and turn their attention to whatever it is you want or need to share.

    But if your heart's not in it, it can be a different deal. Your mind wanders off of their concerns: "Is this a good use of my time? Don't they realize I've got my own life to take care of, not just theirs?" And you lose your focus on them. When your heart's not in it conversations drift off as your mind turns its attention from them to you, from them to something you need to be doing, from them to someone or something that you care about.

    Maybe the smartest thing you can do, or at least the first thing, is to be aware of this in yourself. You know how to take care of other people. But it works best for you when the person in front of you is someone you've got your heart as well as your mind invested in. With others who you don't have deep feelings for it is difficult for you to keep your mind's huge capacity on them. Once you're aware of this, you may or may not choose to try to change it. But at least it will keep you from being confused about why you are or are not able to stay focused on the needs of this particular person.

    This is part II of a series. Part I and III are posted.

    Comments are welcome- especially from those who know me IRL.


    Blogger Lil said...

    I think this is pretty damned accurate. We've had enough in-depth conversations, I think, for me to recognize that you'll make a great husband and father some day (soon), and what this part of the profile says explains why. You do have wonderful patience, combined with admirable ambition, and I think you'd do well at coaching of any kind (which is a less-personal form of parenting, in many ways).

    9:17 PM  

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